No Rest for the Weary

Although I never intended on adopting this nocturnal lifestyle, I must admit that after the day's chaos I am completely at peace in this fine hour. It matters none to me that the rest of the world may be sleeping; and morning's first light is a sight sorely missed, otherwise. These hours are some of the most important to me. They are a time of true reflection and I find that I possess an actual need for them on most days. I can almost feel my restless mind unwinding and everything seems so simple and pleasant. 

If my day were a painting, it would be very large, with seemingly no end of fresh, juicy colours -oils, perhaps, just out of the sheer inconvenience of having to wait so long for them to dry. The painting would be elaborate, yet organized... not quite to the point of overwhelming in some areas but well structured and satisfying. It would be somewhat loose in style -impressionistic maybe. One day's time would not allow for every detail to be perfected, yet overall the painting would be a work of beauty. True art in its own way, despite its artistic imperfections. Something to be appreciated, if not treasured.

It is during these moonlit hours, while my infant sleeps and the movements throughout the house slow to a halt, that I can think this clearly. There are nights when I think back to life before mommyhood and remember how easy and fun the days were. But mostly, there are nights when I think about how boring and selfish they were and how much more valuable my time in life has become now that I have a perfect, miracle of a son. Every moment with him is a blessing and although at times it can be overwhelming, I am mindful of how lucky I am. How quickly one recovers from the stress of a teething six-month old when there is nothing better to do than sit in the quiet. Sometimes I actually miss him during these hours, despite his being only upstairs. In fact, I admit that on one occasion I couldn't help but make just enough noise in the house to cause him to stir so I could cuddle him with justification. 

I know the morning will bring the usual household madness... keeping William constantly entertained to help distract him from his budding baby teeth, helping my husband find all of the things that he has put down that I have since picked back up and put away, driving to the grocery store only to struggle with what we should have for dinner at a time that is far too early to even begin to crave solid food, continuing to help plan the addition we are about to build on our house to accommodate our growing family and hopefully ending the day with a quality snuggle with the husband I deeply love. On days when I wonder what life would have been like if I had finished my Master's degree and spent my days teaching, it is easy to remember all I would miss out on and how much I would miss my little family. It wouldn't be enough for me to catch up with my husband during dinnertime chit-chat. It wouldn't be enough for me to cuddle my son just long enough for him to fall asleep for the night. It wouldn't be enough for me to treat our warm family home like a hotel for the night.

I love my life and in the quiet darkness of the night, it rings truer than ever. I am thankful for the clarity these hours bring and the feelings they inspire. I wish this time for everyone, if only now and again, and I would love to know what the night hours bring for others if they wished to share.

Goodnight!